June: Silencing our Inner Critic.
It is natural for us to doubt ourselves when we feel that we are surrounded by visible achievement. Almost everywhere we look, someone appears to be accomplishing something worthy of praise and recognition. We look on with admiration and envy, and quietly wish for our own personal triumph – whilst doubting whether it is possible for us at all.
Many of us assume that others have greater capability, talent, and skills and we bemoan the fact that we do not. The inner critic that we allow to speak to us this way is self-constructed, and frequently insulting. We would not allow this voice to speak to people we care about in this way, and we would leap to their defence. Why is it then, that we do not scramble to defend ourselves in the face of such harmful inner talk? Why is it so hard to question this negative narrative, and so much easier to allow it to affect our morale?
Once we begin telling ourselves that we are not good enough, or are undeserving of success, we selectively focus only on evidence that reinforces this. We mistake these limiting beliefs for objective truths. One way to unravel these harmful thoughts is to recognise them as they surface, and to question them.
Why am I giving myself this unhelpful feedback? Do I really believe these thoughts?Would I say this to someone I love? How does this way of thinking help me? What action can I take, right now, that defies this way of thinking?
In her book Ignite, about unlocking more of our brain’s potential, Neeltje van Horen encourages us to create a separate persona for our inner critic. Choose something outlandish, and true to the voice’s derogatory nature. Give it a ridiculous appearance and exaggerated characteristics. Creating this persona helps to create some distance between ourselves and our critical thoughts, and thus allows us to view their input more objectively.
Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck developed and popularized the concept of a growth mindset, which is the belief that our abilities are not fixed, and that they can be improved through effort, learning and practice. In her 1998 research, she separated a group of children into two, and had them both complete a task successfully. One group was praised for their intelligence, and the other was praised for their effort. When later given more difficult tasks, the effort-praised group showed greater resilience, enjoyment, and willingness to continue trying. Perhaps a healthier response to dealing better with our inner critic is to shift our focus to praising our efforts and applying our energy to progress, rather than harshly judging the perceived quality of our potential results before the task has even begun. To accomplish something important to you is to identify the goal, to pitch up and make progress, to practice, to improve, to persevere, and to apply the lessons from failures along the way, both big and small. Thomas Edison, inventor of the lightbulb, is quoted as saying “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Unsuccessful attempts are not verdicts – indeed, they are information.
When I begin writing an article like this one, I have an idea for a message and perspective that I would like to communicate to an audience. Often, thinking of my angle is easy enough, but within a few minutes of the idea arriving, doubt starts to creep in. Would an article about that subject be helpful to others? Who would want to read about that? What qualifies me to offer my viewpoint? If I am not vigilant, my inner voice will prevent me from writing at all. In most instances, I ignore it, and begin. And that is when the voice really makes itself known, often at the end of every single sentence. “Do you call that English? That doesn’t even make sense. What a boring article.” I work hard to consciously ignore it and persevere, and I do this by typing sentence after sentence, one at a time. Some sentences flow easily and are good, but many feel stilted and average. But by reaching the end of the article, I have often silenced the voice, and it has retreated, grumbling, into the background.
Then, I begin with the process of editing, and I start at the beginning of the piece again – reading, correcting, adding, deleting. I sometimes harness what my critic said so that I am able to view my efforts more objectively, and make my message a bit clearer. I do this a few times, and by my fourth or fifth pass of the article I have assembled it into something that I feel is a worthy carrier of my thoughts. Sometimes, each editing pass leaves me with less workable material, and I shelve that topic either altogether, or revisit it another day. The point of my sharing my writing process is this – if I did not actively choose to disregard my inner critic multiple times during my writing efforts, I would never get anything published.
So what tactics could we all apply here to subdue our unsupportive inner voices?
We could begin an important task, regardless of how we feel and what we hear. We could persevere, and accumulate the results of our efforts, whether they be words, numbers, or hours. We should not be surprised when a strong sense of accomplishment arrives, along with satisfaction and a growing feeling of expertise. We could revisit our chosen work often – think about it, craft it, improve on it, test it. And then we could share it – send, submit, present. The sense of achievement comes far more from the completion of a worthwhile task than the reception it receives. To have a finished work, we must complete it first, and that is where the real effort lies.
Be prepared for that inner critic to offer insults and doubt at every stage. And choose to finish your work anyway.
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash