20 Habits that Break Habits.
(Photo by Nathan Lemon on Unsplash)
By Pepe Marais.
Growing Greatness
This is a truly inspiring read. It’s written by Pepe Marais, an icon in the advertising industry and the founder of Joe Public United, the largest independent integrated brand and communications group in South Africa, and notorious for their high level of consistent, cutting-edge creativity.
In this book, his second, Pepe cleverly advocates for the adoption of life affirming, positive habits by turning away from negative and destructive habits; and thus embracing more of our unique true potential. He constructs a convincing argument for each of the liberating habits by using his own relevant life examples, accumulated from many years in the advertising limelight as well as sharing all the hard work and personal growth that has taken place behind-the-scenes in an industry that is exacting, exasperating and wonderfully exciting.
The book is written from a very unique angle – Pepe interviewed 20 smokers and constructs each chapter around their self-declared most negative habit – and how he has managed to replace that same limiting habit with a liberating good habit in his own life. He achieves this without preaching, and by citing examples from his personal trials and errors. I finished this book with a huge sense of admiration for what he has achieved – certainly in his industry, but mostly in terms of his intentional personal growth and self-improvement, and how this has positively transferred across to all areas of his life.
In the preface of this book, Pepe talks us through the principle of replacing bad (or limiting) habits with good (or liberating) habits. In order to understand the good, we need to experience the bad, and the bad often inspires the good. He provides the perspective of shifting our focus from ‘giving up’ limiting habits to replacing them with something better.
For this essay, I have not summarised the stories and steps that Pepe shares to show how he incorporates these liberating habits into his daily life. It is well worth reading the book for all the inspiring detail and context he provides. Instead, I have outlined each habit replacement, shared a couple of lines of explanation, and then added the question/s I found myself asking myself at the end of each chapter. This book will add true value to you if, in light of Pepe’s experiences, you are prepared to shine a light on your own life and habits, assess and reassess, and move forward with a specific plan for yourself in mind. Each of us are on a unique journey, and if we make the time to question our behaviours, and consider replacing them or improving them in the best interest our future selves, we will achieve the rewarding progress and forward motion that we seek.
Habit 1: Replace sitting out with stepping in
When we sit out, we settle, and remain within our self-imposed confines. By stepping in, we take positive steps towards better jobs, nourishing relationships, new ideas and new courses of action.
What area of my life am I holding back in? What positive things could happen if I stepped into this area, and am I willing to try?
Habit 2: Replace your head with your heart and your gut
A habit (whether limiting or liberating) is like a muscle that gets stronger with exercise. Many great big ideas, or tiny intuitive thoughts are slaughtered in boardrooms through the logic of the head. There can be genius in our gut instincts, if we are brave enough to listen to them.
If I close my eyes and think deeply about my biggest current challenge, what is my gut telling me to do next?
(This chapter holds one of the most poignant anecdotes in the book.)
Habit 3: Replace your negative thoughts with positive affirmations
Listening to negative, destructive and hostile thoughts from within means that you end up battling against yourself more than anyone else. Destructive internal dialogue leads to negative external outcomes. If your purpose is clear, it serves as a foundation for new and positive inner conversation.
What can I say to myself as I rise each morning that aligns with my purpose, and centers me for the day?
Habit 4: Replace followship with leadership
We can become so entrenched in a culture of following that we forget to ask the right questions, and become unable to lead ourselves out of challenging situations. When we finger point, we defer our own responsibility and surrender way too much of our own potential. The moment we acknowledge where we need to grow and improve, we step into becoming a leader who is responsible for our own experience of life.
What behaviours and habits of mine can I modify so that I set a good example to others?
Habit 5: Turn wine into water
The habit of drinking alcohol can become a limiting obstacle to our true potential. Removing (or even drastically lessening) it from our lives impacts us financially (savings), time availability (productivity) and quality of thinking (improved critical thinking, creativity, energy and drive).
· What are the areas of my life that would benefit from increased financial means, increased productivity, better quality of thought and increased energy, and am I willing to experiment with this to see the results for myself?
Habit 6: Replace television with the kitchen table
The benefits of eating dinner around the kitchen table together each night include the joy and satisfaction of reconnecting, checking in and enjoying the days of our lives as they happen. Incorporate words of appreciation into this habit to make it truly liberating.
How can I incorporate subtle words of appreciation into our family dinners without my teenagers rolling their eyes at me too much?
Habit 7: Replace red meat with leafy greens
An extremely sensitive subject, and a highly personal choice. Taking up a vegan diet resulted, for Pepe, in the loss of 19 kgs, the reversal of acute cholesterol, and the unlocking of an indescribable amount of energy and zest, as well as the feeling of becoming part of a more conscious society, and playing his part in positively serving the bigger picture.
What changes can I make to my diet that has less of a negative impact on the environment, whilst at the same time benefitting my health?
(It is well worth noting here that we can each make a significant contribution to both the environment and our health just by lessening the amount of meat that we eat.)
Habit 8: Turning swearing into a creative vocabulary
Profanity is broadly considered a more expressive way of conveying our thoughts and emotions, but is it? The most powerful virtue in the world is our words, second to our thoughts. Swear words, even used in a positive context, have a negative vibration – and can be replaced with a more creative way of communicating, if we so choose.
Is it necessary to include profanity in my speech, and can I think of more creative and expressive ways to articulate what I would like to say?
Habit 9: Turn spending into saving
Break the limiting habits of spending the maximum of our salaries and replace it with investing in our tomorrows. Conduct your own lifestyle audit, and reduce your monthly spending to 2/3 of your net income and invest one third in your future. How? Creating our own ways of living rather than following the norms accepted by society - drink less booze, eat less junk food, buy or rent a smaller home, drive a cheaper car, require less possessions.
How can I reduce our grocery spend by one third and still feed my family with healthy food?
Habit 10: Replace sleep deprivation with five full sleep cycles
A good night sleep is like washing our brains every day (the same as we brush our teeth and wash our bodies). Getting 7.5 hours of sleep each night: repairs muscles and tissues, boosts the immune system, stimulates growth, energy for the next day, processes information from the previous day and builds our memory. The results of adequate sleep are improved energy, focus, critical thinking, ability and creativity.
What time do I need to be in bed every night to ensure that I get 7.5 hours of sleep?
Habit 11: Turn busyness into focus
When we do too many things at once we become half present, half effective, and inefficient. Multitasking splits our focus. Have an honest review of where you are in your work life, and decide on a stretch goal for the next three years. Identify what stands in the way of you achieving this and then put three key actions in place in order to remove each of your stumbling blocks. Focus on these with razor like precision; and hold yourself accountable to clear and pragmatic goals within a realistic time frame.
In my career, what are the important tasks that move the needle and how can I channel more of my time into doing these?
My favourite quote by Pepe in the book is in this chapter – “Without simplicity, your actions continue to be complex.”
Habit 12: Replace saying yes with saying no
A no to someone else, is a yes to me. Push back by starting small. It's about building life on our own terms - not always comfortable, but the personal growth is always worth it.
What are the things that I have committed to that no longer serve my goals and purpose, and how can I extricate myself from some of these?
Habit 13: Replace fun with fear
‘Real fun lives on the edge of fear.' We often do the same old things for ‘fun’ rather than stepping out of our comfort zones and into something challenging in order to grow and aspects of ourselves that we might not have known existed.
What have I always wanted to try that scares me a little bit and how can I take a step closer to giving it a go?
Habit 14: Replace average with excellence
We are all too tolerant of average service, performance, outputs - and this often starts with ourselves. Our jobs will be more joyful if we strive to master them - the more excellent we are the more fun and fulfillment we will experience.
What areas of my job could I perform better in, and how can I begin to improve in those areas?
Habit 15: Replace screen time with face time
We live in a social culture of eyes cast down in every setting, staring at screens. Unnecessary screen time takes away from meaningful action, and limits our potential. Consider taking strong steps to control our addiction by deleting problem apps from our phones, and spending focused time on them at specific times of the day. A structured approach to screen time frees up a significant amount of time in each day.
If I spend 45 minutes less on my phone each day, what could I achieve with that time to my own benefit, or for others who I care about?
Habit 16: Replace you with I
Choose to live your life in the first person, and keep your past in the past and take ownership of your own story.
What sentence can I say to myself that will bring me back to the present?
Habit 17: Replace judgement with love
We pass judgment when we are ignorant, or uninformed. By holding back on judgment for just a short while and attempting to scratch below the surface of what we see, we will always find a deeper truth. The presence of judgement guarantees the absence of love.
Who do I judge unfairly, and what steps can I take to better understand their position and perspective?
Habit 18: Replace being a corporate pedestrian with being a corporate Olympian
We expect to be paid 100% of our salaries each month, but do we give 100% in return? In our careers, we should create robust plans and stick to them. A long-term plan only manifests in the presence of short-term tangible actions. It's important to review regularly and to measure, using numbers to bring consciousness to the facts.
What numbers can I use to set myself goals and measure my progress in my career, and how can I set about achieving these?
Habit 19: Replace what you can't control with what you can
Most of what we worry about does not happen. Choose to obsess about what falls within our control i.e. what we consume, what we save, how much we sleep, what we say yes and no to, who we judge, who we love, etc. Focus on your habits and areas of impact by stepping up, following our heart, finishing what we start, the quality of our thoughts, leading by example, and the words we choose to say.
What three things that I can’t control do I worry most about? What three things that I can control could I be better at?
Habit 20: Replace doing with being
Doing lots of different things without knowing the greater reason means that you won't ever feel close to hitting the mark. Being is one united energetic force behind all intentions and actions. Discovering or identifying your purpose is what will help you to be.
How would I like to be in the world, every day, that will give me an even greater sense of my purpose?
I feel grateful for the introspection and the inspiration that “20 Habits” provided me with.
The book begins with the quote by F. Mattias Alexander that I think works just as well as an ending: ‘People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits, and their habits decide their futures.’