September: Decisions Plagued by Doubt?

How revisiting your core values can help you make better choices.

Stand up for what you believe in, or sit down and be patient? Embark on a new direction, or stick with what you know? Stay and possibly stagnate, or re-engage and potentially thrive? Go on good terms and with good grace, or flounce off with a flourish? When it comes to decision-making, especially for choices involving careers and relationships, it can be hard to settle on a choice that feels right. Stakes can seem high, and options can be confounding.

In my experience as a coach, I have found that a reacquaintance with core values can be one of the most useful tools to help clients gain confidence when deciding what their next steps should be. Knowing your values helps to define what matters most; and the stronger sense of purpose that follows turns what matters into direction.

The Schwartz theory explains the basic nature of values, and equates them to beliefs that, when activated, become infused with feeling. People for whom independence is an important value become inflamed if their independence is threatened, despairing when they are unable to protect it, and happy when they are free to enjoy it. Being clear on values helps in identifying desirable goals that motivate action. People who place a high value on justice and social order are naturally motivated to pursue goals related to these. The theory also describes values as a set of standards. The influence of values on daily deliberations may not be apparent until they conflict with a choice or action under consideration.  They form an ordered system of priorities that characterise us as individuals, and guide our attitudes and behaviours.

To identify your key personal values, consider this question: How would I like to live my life going forward? Then, insert five words that are meaningful to you in the sentence below:

I choose to live my life (value 1) and (value 2); with (value 3) and (value 4), remembering always to be (value 5).

Two examples: I choose to live my life calmly and creatively, with discipline and consideration, remembering always to be grateful. I choose to live my life ambitiously and independently, with patience and integrity, remembering always to be tolerant.

There are numerous possible combinations, each reflecting the individuals circumstances and priorities.  A list of values can help narrow the selection to those that resonate most. Time spent crafting this sentence results in a declaration of purpose and intent –a calm centre from which to make decisions and navigate difficulties.

The words meaning and purpose are often revered in the world of self-help and in the media – to the extent that some of us can’t help but feel anxiety and pressure to ‘find’ ours. Focusing instead on the values you want to stand for offers a more practical route to purposeful, intentional action. Definitions of the word purpose include the reason something is done or used; or the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something. Meaning is defined as something meant or intended, or of special significance.

When values come first, they bring purpose into clearer view, while meaning becomes something that is created through living rather than stumbled upon. Meaning is not something resolved once and for all – Viktor Frankl tells us that ‘the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour’. Frankl also identifies three broad categories of values – creative values that we contribute through work, action and service; experiential values that we receive through relationships, beauty or nature; and attitudinal values where we adopt a stance in facing circumstances that we cannot change.

By focusing first on the how - through our chosen values - it becomes easier to identify what steps to take next.  Midlife can bring pressure to make a career pivot or take a leap of faith, and a mental fatigue can set in after years of effort and work that may start to feel repetitive, less interesting or not as stimulating. The advent of artificial intelligence affects work environments and processes in ways that can be increasingly difficult to comprehend, creating understandable feelings of  vulnerability and overwhelm. Rather than trying to forecast exactly how work will evolve, it may be more useful to accept that change is coming and focus on the principles that can provide steadiness through it. Greater certainty about your own approach can help counter the anxiety created by a hard-to-predict future.

Complete these three sentences as a brief meaning-making exercise:

·      I would like to be the best that I can be in my work by…

·      I would like to be the best partner/parent/child I can be by…

·      I would like to be respected/remembered for being…

Making an intentional choice about ‘ways of being’ in each of these areas creates the mindset to perform positively on next actions - whether they be experimenting with a new business venture, increasing effectiveness in a workplace, improving the quality of specific relationships or attending to one’s health.

Shifting focus from finding the perfect next action to identifying the values that should guide it can provide a steadier sense of purpose and greater agency. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey argues that lasting solutions develop from the inside out. Proactively basing behaviour on values and principles, rather than reactively allowing external conditions to immobilise us, can provide an antidote to indecision.

Next time you come to a crossroads, consider pausing to realign with your inner compass. Then move forward, knowing that your decision is based more on the clarity that lies at your core.

Photo by Vladislav Babienko on Unsplash