The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

By Stephen R. Covey

Powerful Lessons in Personal Change.

This book was first published in 1992 and has been on my bookshelf for years. I can't remember exactly when and where I bought it but the price tag on the back says R79.95, so it's safe to say it was a couple of decades ago! I don't think I ever read the full book - I probably began it with good intentions and maybe didn't find it relevant enough to me at the time. I picked it up again with the intention to read it and discover if it's concepts are still valid so many years after being published. My answer is a resounding yes! The Seven Habits are surprisingly simple to understand, and fairly challenging to put into practice… but well worth the effort. It is well worth endeavouring to practice all of them, and incorporate the thinking behind them into our lives, with a view to rediscovering our inner strength and tapping into the potential that each of us have. This book holds important and extensive explanations, and many personal examples from Stephen's own life.

A few of the timeless gems within:

·      Always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.

·      The gates of change can only be opened from the inside.

·      Things are different when you keep the bigger picture in mind - make sure your ladder is against the right wall.

·      Problems can and do create opportunities for relationship strengthening.

Here follows a summary of the book’s main principles and some of the thoughts behind them.

Paradigms and principles

Covey explains how perceptions are formed, how they govern the way we see, and how the way we see governs how we behave. Our lens shapes how we interpret the world. Traditionally there are two approaches when can take in the quest for success; and both are social paradigms. The first is the character ethic (integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, patience, justice, industry, simplicity and modesty) as the basic principles for effective living. The second is the personality ethic (perceived public image, attitudes and behaviors, positive mental attitude, quick fix techniques, strategies).

What we are (our character) communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do. The seven habits represent the internalization of correct principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based. Our paradigms are maps, and the most important thing is their accuracy. First we need the right map and then our attitude and behaviour become important. To try and change attitudes and behaviors is no good if we fail to examine the paradigms from which the attitudes and behaviours flow in the first place. We need to be aware of our paradigms and take responsibility for them; and examine them and test them. Paradigm shifts are powerful, whether they occur instantaneously or as part of a slow and deliberate process. Principles are self-evident natural laws, and they are part of every major enduring religion. Some examples are fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity, service, potential, growth, patience, and encouragement.

The paradigms of the personality ethic affect the way that we see our problems and the way we attempt to solve them. To solve chronic underlying problems, we need to focus on the principles that bring long term results. The seven habits are a principal centered, character based, inside out approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness. It is futile to put personality ahead of character, and to try and improve relationships with others before improving ourselves. Lasting solutions can only come from the inside out.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

We can use the gravitational pull of habits to create the cohesiveness and order necessary to establish effectiveness in our lives. Thoughts, then action, then habits, then character, then destiny. Be willing to substitute what you think you want now for what you know you want later.

The essence of effectiveness lies in the balance between production (P) of desired results, and production capacity, (PC).

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Covey explains that instead of being programmed by your genetics, your upbringing, or your environment, you can decide within yourself (like Victor Frankl did ) how things are going to affect you. You cannot control the stimulus, but you can choose your response. Between stimulus and response lies our greatest power, which is the freedom to choose. As human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. We can choose to proactively base our behaviour on principles and values, rather than reactively empowering conditions to control us. We must recognize our responsibility to make things happen in our lives.

Our circle of influence contains things we can control, and our circle of concern controls the things we can't. In which circle we choose to focus our time and energy shows our degree of proactivity. Our choices bring consequences. We choose our response, and the attendant consequence. We can proactively acknowledge a mistake, correct it and learn from it. Making and keeping commitments to ourselves and to others, and our integrity to those commitments, is the essence of our productivity, and of our growth.

There are two ways to put ourselves in control:

1.     Make a promise, and keep it.

2.     Set a goal, and work to achieve it.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

Each part of our lives can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters to us. Each day contributes in a meaningful way to the vision we have of our life as a whole. All things are created twice: first there is a mental creation, and second there is a physical creation. Understand this and accept responsibility for both. If we do not take charge of the first creation, we diminish it. We are either the second creation of our own proactive design or the second creation of other people's agendas/ circumstances/ past habits. Re-script, and become your own first creator! Write your own script using self-awareness, conscience and imagination. Use your self-awareness to discover ineffective and deeply embedded scripts and habits, and tie yourself to your limitless potential instead of your limiting past. Begin each day with your values firmly in mind.

Covey encourages us to create a personal mission statement focusing on:

·      What we want to be - character.

·      What we want to do - contributions and achievements.

·      The values and principles upon which being and doing are based.

Your mission statement is your personal constitution, and the basis for making decisions. What we choose to have at the center of our lives and power will be the source of our security (a deep sense of intrinsic worth), guidance (strong inner direction), wisdom (a complete and accurate map of your life) and power (to act according to your own values). These factors support the paradigm from which your attitudes and behaviours will flow.

The quality of our first creation is impacted by our ability to use our left, logical side of the brain, as well as our right, intuitive and creative side of the brain. Personal leadership is the ongoing process of keeping our vision and values before we commit, and aligning our life to fit with these things. An effective goal focus on results. It identifies where we want to be, based on where we are. It translates into daily activities so that we are proactive, in charge of our life, and doing each day which we need to.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Pause and consider: what one thing could you do that you aren't doing now, that if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life? What one thing in your business or professional life would bring similar results?

Habit three is the practical fulfillment of habits one and two. It is the second, physical creation. We can live habit three by practicing effective self-management. If you are an effective manager of yourself, your discipline comes from within.

The power of independent will:

·      The ability to make choices .

·      To act in accordance with them.

·      To proactively carry out the program.

Instead of focusing on things and time, focus on preserving and enhancing relationships, and on identifying and accomplishing results. Two factors define an activity: urgency and importance. The Time Management Matrix positions tasks according to These two things. Many of us spend too much time in Quadrant 1 (urgent and important i.e. crises and deadline driven projects), Quadrant 3 (not important and urgent ie interruptions, mail, some meetings), and Quadrant 4 (not important and not urgent ie trivia and time wasters). The best use of our time is in Quadrant 2, which is the heart of effective of personal management. This includes activities that are important and not urgent i.e. prevention, relationship building, planning, recognizing new opportunities. The more time we spend in this quadrant the more effective we will be, and crises and problems will shrink due to our prevention of them. To achieve this we need first to prioritize, then to organize around these priorities, and finally to have the discipline to execute our intentions. If we have the self-awareness to examine our current situation/program, and then the imagination and conscience to create a new unique principle centered program, then we will find the willpower to say yes to important and no to unimportant. Time management is more about managing ourselves than managing time. Covey advocates weekly rather than daily organizing, and gives practical examples on how to make this work.

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Interdependence opens up possibilities for meaningful connections, serving, contributing, learning and growing. The emotional bank account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that has been built up in a relationship, and the feeling of safeness that you have with another human being. Deposits of courtesy, kindness, honesty and honouring commitments, build up the reserve, which we can call upon when we need to. The reserve needs to be sustained and not overdrawn. Our most important relationships require our most constant deposits.

There are six major deposits:

1.     Understanding the individual and treating them in terms of that understanding.

2.     Attending to the little things - in relationships, the little things are the big things.

3.     Keeping commitments - people build their hopes around promises and keeping them is vital; so make them carefully.

4.     Clarifying expectations - unclear expectations undermine communication and trust.

5.     Showing personal integrity - generates trust and is the basis of many different kinds of deposits

6.     Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal - beware of ill intention, bad motives, and pride.

Win/win solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying for all parties. It's not your or my way, but a better way. The quality of results depends on the level of cooperation. Win/win is the habit of interpersonal leadership and using self-awareness, imagination, conscience and respect for relationships with others to solve problems. Win/win relies on character (integrity, maturity, abundance mentality); relationships, agreements (outlining clear results, guidelines, resources, accountability and consequences); supportive systems and processes. Public victory does not mean victory over other people. It means successful and effective interaction that brings mutually beneficial results to everyone involved.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, then to Be Understood

Taking the time to really, deeply understand problems first is the key to effective interpersonal communication. Communication involves reading, writing, speaking and listening - and we are poorest at the listening part. Rather than listening with intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply. We need to focus less on our own rightness and position, and wanting to be understood. We pretend to listen or listen selectively when we should rather listen attentively and empathetically with the intent to understand; fully and deeply. We tend to evaluate, probe, advise and interpret, and the result is that our conversations can become collective monologues.  

The stages of empathetic listening include repeating and rephrasing the content, and reflecting the feeling. Seeking to understand, we can turn a transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity. If people are really given the chance to open up, they can unravel their own problems, and the solutions can become clear to them in the process. The key is to genuinely and sincerely seek the welfare of an individual, so listen with empathy, and let the person get to the problem and solution at their own pace and time. Habit five falls in our own circle of influence. We need to put aside our own autobiography, and genuinely seek to understand.

Habit 6: Synergize

Synergy is the true test and manifestation of all the other habits put together - the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The challenge is to apply the principles of creative cooperation in our social interactions. The essence of synergy is to value and respect differences, build on strengths, and compensate for weaknesses. Open your mind and your heart to new possibilities and alternatives. Believe that all parties involved will gain more insight, learning and growth as a result of collaboration. Synergy is as if a group collectively agrees to write a new script. Synergy requires courage, authenticity, openness, empathy, interaction and trust. The result is new energy, new insights, understanding and new solutions.

A great deal of synergy falls within our circle of influence. Be synergistic within yourself:

·      Don't take insults personally.

·      Sidestep negative energy.

·      Look for and utilize the good in others.

·      Enlarge your perspective.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

These are the principles of balanced self-renewal, and the habits that make all the others possible. They are about preserving and enhancing our greatest assets, and most of these are Q2 activities.

There are 4 dimensions of renewal:

1.     Physical: Exercise, nutrition, stress management.

2.     Mental: Reading, visualizing, planning and writing. Ongoing education is vital mental renewal.

3.     Spiritual: Value clarification and commitment, study and meditation. Sources that inspire and uplift you - private and supremely important.

4.     Social and emotional: Service, empathy, synergy and intrinsic security.

We are the instruments of our own performance, and to be effective we must regularly sharpen the saw. Improve in one dimension, and we increase our ability in other dimensions. The more we improve in any of the habits that lead to independence(Habits 1, 2 and 3), the more effective we will be in interdependent situations (Habits 4, 5 and 6). And renewal (Habit 7) is the process of reviewing all the habits. Renewal is the principle that empowers us to move in an upward spiral of growth and change and continuous improvement.

Achieving unity and oneness with ourselves, our loved ones, our friends and our colleagues is the greatest reward of the Seven Habits; a goal that is well worth the ongoing work involved.

Photo by Nathan Lemon on Unsplash.