Play it Away.
By Charlie Hoehn.
A workaholics cure for anxiety.
A couple of months ago I listened to a Shane Parrish podcast (https://fs.blog/knowledge-project-podcast/charlie-hoehn/) titled ‘Write Something People Want to Read’, where he interviews Charlie Hoehn, who mentioned this book that he had written. The title of the book struck me and since one of the topics I write about in ‘Design your Days’ is about fun and recreation, I thought this would be good to read.
As someone who tends towards seriousness in my choices of daily activities, especially when it comes to recreation, where I gravitate more towards reading, writing, podcasts and more solitary pursuits, I found that reading this book made me think of multiple ways that I could introduce more play into my life, and in my case, that meant more fun activities with friends. It’s a crazy thing that we postpone play for holidays, when there are so many ways to introduce fun into our daily lives… if we just decide to. I found myself wondering when last I threw a Frisbee, or played darts, or flew a kite. Why don’t I do that sometimes?
Charlie writes from the perspective of his own personal transformation, and the principles he shares may be more applicable and relevant to some than to others, but the main point for me is that he investigated and experimented and tried different things, until he discovered what worked best for him. For him, in a major way, it is play; and for others, play may not be the big solution. Nevertheless, an important question that this book makes you consider is “Do I play enough?” The somewhat alarming answer for many is “No”; and that in itself is cause for re-evaluation, and for change.
One of the definitions of play is to ‘engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose’. That pretty much sums it up – we could all do with a bit more play in our lives.
Chapter 1- 3: My anxiety story; Why I wrote this book; My workaholic story
Charlie talks about how he got to a stage where everything in his life felt forced, fake and exhausting. He was working crazy hours and experiencing inner turmoil and panic attacks. He tried all sorts of solutions: meditation, yoga, journaling, therapy, massages, workouts, volunteering, courses; to name a few. His list of attempted solutions is long, and I have not included them all here. Some worked better than others, and they certainly wouldn’t have been harmful. There is a certain upliftment that comes with the trying itself. What he found, for him, was that Play as a process for healing was fun, painless and immediately effective. Charlie wrote ‘Play it Away’ to share all the techniques that put his life back on track and healed his anxiety and pain. The book is about his experiences curing his anxiety, and he reminds us to figure out what works best for ourselves, using our own judgement. At the peak of his workaholism, he felt that he was going to be punished for not being productive, for not making money, for not having life figured out. Not having a life or an identity outside of your career leaves you with nothing to fall back on.
Some questions to consider:
Do you feel guilt or anxiety when you are not working?
Have you stopped playing with friends?
Are you sleeping fewer than 8 hours a night, and are consuming too many stimulants during the day?
Are you sitting still and staring at screens for too much of the day, and also interacting with others primarily through screens?
Do you check emails multiple times a day, even after finishing work?
Chapter 4: How I cured my anxiety
Charlie came across a book by Sr Stuart Brown, titled ‘Play: How it shapes the brain, opens the imagination, and invigorates the soul’. One of the main messages in the book was that a lack of play is a health risk to both your body and your mind. He came to the realization that he was constantly depriving himself of play. He also had a number of unhealthy routines – sitting and staring at his screen for at least 12 hours every day; consuming coffee and energy drinks every hour and binge drinking with friends on the weekend. His thought pattern was that someday he would be rich and permanently successful – and when that point was reached he could stop worrying and be happy.
Once he had decided that what he needed was to play more, it was easy to find ways to incorporate it into his life, from taking Improvisation classes, to scheduling meetings to include playing ball in the park rather than having coffee. The key is to approach and think of life as play rather than as work; and embrace more moments as an opportunity to have fun with friends, rather than worry relentlessly about being successful.
When you tackle work as play, creativity and optimism soars, and you are able to create something unique with the people around you. Play is the creator of joy; a source of fun and love, where we are naturally guided by our subconscious. It’s often the state where we are truly ourselves. Play facilitates our best friendships, our most treasured moments, and our enjoyment of life. Play is giving yourself permission to follow impulses and pursue what excites you.
Chapter 5: A four-week plan for health and happiness
These are the different techniques that the author used to heal his anxious mind, control workaholism, and improve his quality of life. His plan is intended to be taken one week at a time – everything all at once is too difficult, and increases the chances of the changes not being sustainable.
Week 1: Remove your Anchors
Anchors are the stressors that cause you emotional strain.
First, identify your anchors by writing down everything you worry about on a daily or weekly basis. Then, ask yourself how you can eliminate an anchor. This will be difficult, but the point is to try. Figure out some solutions to help you eliminate anchors. A good solution will be small and uncomplicated, fun or exciting to implement and easy to stick with. Figure out your game plan and put it into action. Keep experimenting, and keep implementing. This works because your brain shifts from ‘Why me?” to ‘Let’s take action!’. Do this exercise once a week. By eliminating anchors you will start to regain energy, which you can redirect to activities that help you feel happy and healthy.
Four examples of anchors that Charlie faced, and the solutions that he identified:
Anchor 1: Fear of getting attached. Solution: Stop reading and watching the news.
Anchor 2: Fear of having a panic attack. Solution: Stop drinking ridiculous amounts of caffeine. (Also works for refined sugar, alcohol, etc.).
Anchor 3: Feeling anxious around certain people. Solution: Stop spending time with vampires.
Anchor 4: Trying to live up to other people expectations. Solution: Stop doing work that doesn’t matter to you.
Everyone has different anchors, and there will be more than one solution to tackle them. It’s about taking the time to identify what these are and to try them systematically, until your anchor lessens drastically or disappears altogether.
Week 2: Heal your Mind
Enjoy Guilt-free play dates with friends. You can start by first writing a play history of all the fun things you repeatedly and voluntarily turned to during childhood. Rediscover and revisit what filled you with a sense of fun growing up. By making time to play you will find that you decompress and unplug from work better, which actually helps you to be more productive with your work time. Work will become easier and more enjoyable. Start by playing just twice a week, for thirty minutes per session. Have guilt-free fun with good people!
Three rules for proper play:
Disconnect from social media – you do not need to ‘post your play’ for others to see.
Focus on the harmony of playing rather than on winning.
Just have fun!
Work towards having a consistent bedtime every evening, and getting enough sleep, in order to feel rested and energized for each new day. Charlie believes in twenty-minute afternoon naps as a refreshing and energizing practice.
Establish a daily practice of observing your thoughts. Meditating becomes easier when you watch your thoughts like a detached outsider rather than trying to resist them. Just watch them with detached indifference, as if they were clouds passing by. Welcome the thoughts, observe them, get bored with them, and then calmly return to breathing, and absorb that instead. Try this for ten minutes a day, for the benefit of a calmer mind. To play away a panic attack, practice saying your worries out loud in the voice of a funny character, for just sixty seconds. Or, try writing down what you are worried about and then come up with one reason why you are thankful to have experienced it.
Week 3: Heal your Body
Eat healthy meals with healthy friends. Poor food often provides a quick and easy form of comfort, but with the end result that you will feel worse. Cut out processed and toxic foods, and feel better. Focus on gradual and forgiving rather than abrupt and perfect. Eat often with like-minded friends who will not force you into fighting temptation.
Release pent up frustration. We are raised to value how they think more than how they feel. Because feelings aren’t always easy to rationalize, we block ourselves from expressing them. Expressing emotions through crying or anger releases them. Speak to those who have been upsetting you and be honest and vulnerable; and keep talking until you arrive at some form of solution. TRE – Trauma releasing exercises can be very beneficial in dealing with trauma, and the book covers these in some detail.
Week 4: Heal your World
Choose to live in a happier environment. Sometimes the things around us can prevent us from moving forwards. De-clutter your possessions to create space. Your surroundings must be conducive to your health and happiness. If your environment is (realistically) aligned with the life you desire, you will feel reinvented. Pay attention to how you feel in the rooms you spend the most time in. Eliminate possessions that make you feel annoyed, overwhelmed or tired. Consider putting your money into experiences with friends rather than accumulating more possessions. Pay attention to how you feel in different environments. Where are you at your best, and where do you come alive? Spend more time there.
Take an unplugged nature vacation. When you are feeling burned out, relocate to a scenic environment, and disconnect from every device with a screen. Give yourself permission to stop working, and unplug. Get outdoors, and reconnect with nature.
Perform intentional acts of kindness. Acknowledge a stranger, call an old friend, apologize to someone you have wronged, thank someone who is rarely thanked, mail a handwritten letter. Or play, and ask others to join you.
Chapter 6 - 7: How I play today; How to change the world
We are the creators of our own anxious reality. We forget to ‘allow’ fun, and we get too serious. Begin viewing your life through a lens of play, and your world will change – it will become less serious, and more fun. You do not need to be on holiday to play – play is a state of mind. Charlie learnt that he spent too much time living in fear, when all he had to do was play it away.
Reach out to someone you care about, and invite them to play.
‘Play is a state of mind – it’s an approach to the world. Whether your world is a frightening prison or a loving playground is entirely up to you.’
Wise words indeed!
Photo by Stas Ostrikov on Unsplash